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So tell me... what is it that you do, exactly?

Apart from loaf, shirk, skive, and generally bum around, you mean?

Well, the obvious answer is that we do what thousands of other bands all over the world do. We play music. It's as simple as that. Nothing more, nothing less.

We've put together a set of songs - some cover versions, some original stuff - that we hope will be a wide-ranging and diverse mix of styles that reflect the wide-ranging and diverse personalities and experience within the band.

The beauty of the Lying Scotsman is that we don't all need to be available to do a gig. Already we've performed as a duo and a trio, despite there actually being four of us in the band. So far.

However many of us play, the quality of the music stays the same.

Not only that, but even when we're all there, we don't all play on every single song, meaning that there's less chance of people getting bored.

Oh, and don't forget - everybody is always welcome to join in, too. If you're coming to see us, bring something along to play. Bells, whistles, kazoos, tubas, anything. Music shouldn't be strict and rigid. An appreciation of diesel locomotives, whilst boosting your standing with the bass player, isn't entirely necessary.

Above all, the whole thing should be fun. No room for egos here. Move along, move along...

First class return to Penrith, please...